best of

I was going through a lot of my old notes for past classes the other day, and like many people, I like to write down funny things the professor says. This post will amuse most anyone, I think, but particularly those who have ever taken a class from Professor John Talbot. Sunnysnows, Luma Solem -- I believe you two will take particular enjoyment from this post.

Also, the original post was a lot longer. I tried to trim.

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"All kinds of people gave me all sorts of advice, most of which I thought was very stupid. I don't hate any of them - well, I hate two of them, but I hated them before."

"What about forest fires, that afflict forests every year? I'm talking about the ones started by lightning, not the ones started by Boy Scouts."

"I'm from Salt Lake."-*Sam
"Salt Lake ... City? ... Utah?"-Prof. Talbot
"It's a little town, about 45 minutes north of here. In Utah." -*Sam
"Don't play games with me, I know where Salt Lake is."-Prof. Talbot

"I know what it's like to feel like Achilles because I'm so right so much of the time."

"Just like another name for Salt Lake is 'slick,' and another name for Provo ... I guess there is no other name for Provo."

"I like to give instructions in negative form - they tell you not to, they want you to be uplifting and all that, but a negative implies a positive, does it not?"

"I'm always just sort of flouncing around the room."

"What I need to do is hang out with a BYU student for a day, because I have no idea what your lives are like."
(student begins to volunteer ... probably the aforementioned *Sam.)
"Not you."

(to a football player) "You've done that, haven't you? Hit someone so hard their helmet falls off? Well, I would encourage you to do so."

"Last night I was reading --"-a student
"I don't care what you've been reading, we're not here for learning."-Prof. Talbot

"Just think of all the ways your parents messed you up. And then think of all the ways you're preparing to mess up your kids."

"[The library auditorium] is like being in the womb of nature."

"The best way to get this poetry off your back is to entomb them in the formaldehyde of publication, especially a publication that no one reads."

"There are several Homeric references. You might catch them - I doubt it, you'll be sleeping."

"In fact, I encourage you to sleep. That is how I will recognize you. I'm not sure I know what you look like awake."

"He was very drama-ish. Kind of mincy and swooshing."

"Flowerings of art ... Michaelangelo, Rafael and various other Ninja Turtles."

"I always feel like we could sum up this philosophy stuff in a few minutes. Oyyy. Let's move on."

"Hey, *Sam. Interestingly enough, we're talking about time, debating its existence."-Prof. Talbot
"So I might not be late?"-*Sam
"Yes, I was going to say maybe you should capitalize on this to argue the relevance of your punctuality."-Prof. Talbot

"When in doubt, draw Italy. There's Rome ... despite its name, it tends to stay put."

"Naysayers like Nelson Dunford always say, always debunking and bringing down ideas, very cynical, a very black turtleneck sort of attitude."

"You managed to get born, *Scott. Not that I'm saying I regret that, not that I'm emphasizing that."

"I have an idea. Tonight, let's dress up like salmon and go up the down escalator."

"I would like to make a western [movie] ... 'Look out! Native Americans!'"

"I don't see how what he's saying is completely bad."-*Kara
"That's because you are a wicked person."-Prof. Talbot

"Just to keep up the high scriptural standard you've set - at the last scenes of The Sound of Music, she says ..."

*Names have been changed, for no apparent reason.