addendum; the promised Part 2

I found a fatal flaw in my previous post. In the two weeks since that entry, I've noticed the time frame wherein I wrote it, and it makes a difference.

I actually had just been quite put out by the whole independent industry for a few days, after having seen a movie I found particularly offensive and pointless (and I saw it edited, as is always the case). No one in the whole world, except my roommate, agrees with me on this point, and it really is a little irrelevant, so I'll leave it out; suffice it to say, although this movie was clean of language, anything graphic, etc., you can't edit a plot, and I didn't like the plot. Anyway, that night, I practically renounced everything I've been exposed to this entire semester; it was during this period that I wrote that entry. I was ready to walk away.

When I looked at my list of the interests I've fallen in and out with over time, I realized that I still enjoy all of them. I don't focus on them as much anymore, but I still get excited about them all and I still enjoy participating. I haven't removed myself completely from identifying with those who use ASL. I still enjoy explaining the Central Dogma of DNA (replication, etc.) Yes, I even still flirt. (Although I'm trying to kick the habit in its excess;])

Anyway, who says any of those things aren't my "schtick?" I think I said that mostly for two reasons:

1. I have a hard time imagining myself as just one thing. (This is nothing new; no one can compartmentalize themselves like they can people they don't know too well. No "band nerd" is just a "band nerd," to themselves.) I can't think of myself as "an artsy person." I can't think of myself as "a crocheter." (Oh. I used to crochet a lot. Elementary school.)

2. As a jack-of-all-trades (which is my schtick), and in my strivings to still be a master of them all, I tend to judge myself by the highest standards of the trade. For instance, when someone asks me if I'm a ballroom dancer, I rarely answer in the affirmative. Because, even though I danced for a couple years, I'm not Natalie Wakefield; neither am I, nor have I been, on any team. In short, I try not to offend the sensitivities of those who are, in my opinion, masters of the trade. Those to whom the schtick belongs.

I realize that this is probably ridiculous.

I've been told in no uncertain terms to develop new talents and learn new things. I realize I made a connection in my last post that might not have been entirely correct; just because my interests wax and wane doesn't mean I have to remove myself from the scene. Can't I just be everything? Because I said so? After all, you aren't defined by the activities you seek. I look back at the friends I've made during my participation in each of these activities, and I don't pigeonhole them any more than I pigeonhole myself. They're a lot more than just dancers, or independent art-enthusiasts. I still talk to them, I still value them, and I even still date some of them - and we don't have to be dancers together. We don't have to watch movies. We don't have to speak perfect English. (We can even end our sentences with prepositions, if we want. I recently read that was okay sometimes, anyway.) We just have to be people, with ins and outs and depth that reaches farther than just our Cuban action.

In conclusion, I'd like to say that tomorrow night, I'm going to Optimistic.'s to see a low-budget, independently-made, reportedly fantastic film tomorrow night. It sounds absolutely riveting, and I'm prepared to walk away a little changed, just like I usually do with independent film. (Also, I've researched this one.)

I'd also like to congratulate myself on using the word "schtick" four times in this entry. And, even as a non-Yiddish speaker, I won't be judged by any of you for it - not even those of you who are fluent.