Captain Comic

I couldn't sleep. I have a to-do list as long as my arm, so what did I do?

That's right.

It was excellent. I died at the second level on my first try, and I made it to the moon on my second try. My third try is going to be sleeping again.

because I heart Chilly

Blueberry muffins could always do with a bit more blue.

best decision I've made in awhile

...to become a reviewer for jazzreview.com.

Today I got my first shipment of stuff to review, and I am ecstatic. This is the raddest thing ever. Hooray free jazz music! Stay tuned for links to the actual reviews.

this is why we love my brother

I met my brother at Wendy's last night before Institute, so he could get a Frostee and I could get a Baconator. (Yeah, yeah.) As we stood in line to order, I said, "I was listening to Flogging Molly in the car. Are you jealous?"

To which he replied:

"... I was flogging Molly."

FTW

I think everyone should buy these.

Heh.

Email kycia(at)advertisinganything(dot)com to have these cups FOR YOUR VERY OWN!

RELATIVELY LONG-TERM BOARD WRITER FINALLY CUTS THE APRON STRINGS

Feb. 25, 2009

BOARD CITY-- A year and a half after completing her undergraduate degree, Brigham Young University 100 Hour Board writer "Olympus" retired from writership today.

"After 25 months of writing, sort-of writing and not writing, it was time," she said. "I thought maybe I could allow someone who had even a summer home in Provo take my place."

The former writer said she was looking forward to the now-empty nights at home, which were formerly occupied by several hours of question-answering, daily.

"My consistent, in-depth research on social marketing, communications, jazz, professional development, street musicians in New York, and Dating Habits of Everyone will continue," she said. "My research on mints, Joe Biden's feelings on 'The Office,' gymnastics gym rules in California and emergency road flares may lag. So feel free to still come to me on that easy stuff."

She followed up that her extensive Board writing hours would be replaced by WIRED magazine, air hockey, woodworking and traveling outside of her current town to find dates.

Her roommates, Jane Doe and Jane Doe_1, said they looked forward to now having Olympus' help cleaning the kitchen and attending parties, though they didn't hold out much hope that her new-found free time would result in any extra time cleaning up after their pets.

When asked about readers who may experience abandonment issues, Olympus responded that, while it will be good for them to "buy their own $#*% phone books," she will miss trying to help them solve life issues about the Abrahamic Covenant and going to bat for them against the Board's more tear-evoking grammar blasts.

She said she would especially miss making assumptions about the readers' sordid dating lives and delving into her expanded-on-the-Board-dime dating library to shell out advice tinged with just a little too much personal experience. The abandonment, she said, will subside.

"Those abandonment issues probably started months ago anyway," Olympus said, "so at least they're probably used to not having me around. By making it official, at least I can stop sending child support. That's the way it works here."

One of the Board's distinguished editors, Yellow, said the organization would miss Olympus' broad contributions on topics she had no experience with.

"Those emergency road flares were a crowning moment; a peak, even," said Yellow, smiling fondly as he remembered. "Even if that was her first answer."

Optimistic., a former Board editor brought out of his own retirement to comment, allegedly said the Board was losing a valuable asset in Olympus' shrinking Provo contact-base.

"It's why we hired her, after all," he said in a quote submitted (and possibly written by) Olympus. "Now that it's mostly gone, she is worth more as a writer than ever. I can't believe you aren't fighting to keep her on."

In lieu of flowers, Olympus is accepting cash donations to her 401k. "While the Board's retirement plan is better than some out there these days," she said, "it still leaves room for improvement." Donations can be routed to #8471463 at First National Bank of Board City.

###

hahahhahaahahha

My boss's 8-year-old niece just told me they don't have school on the 20th. I said, "For the inauguration?" (We're getting off work for it, too.) She said, "Yeah, we're going to watch it at [the black cultural center in our city]." I asked her if she was excited, and she said yes, so I asked her why.

"Because Obama's the first black president. And he's going to get sworn in. And maybe gas prices will go down."

Nice. I asked her why she thought gas prices would go down, and she hadn't the faintest. So I asked her why she cared about gas prices, since she clearly doesn't pay them. She said, "So my mommy and daddy don't have to pay more money."

I thought that was sweet.

In other news from her, she just made a snake out of the Play-Doh I keep on my desk. I asked her if it was dangerous and she said no. I asked her how she knew and she said, "Because I made it, and I'm not dangerous." Makes sense.

I don't live in Utah anymore.

I cry for the irony of this schedule.

I will repost an old, old concert review from a different blog, to explain myself. (I will edit some for relevance, but apologies for the style ... I was some four and a half years younger and hope I've matured some in my writing ...)

--

I ran home, fixed my hair and makeup a little, and took M's car to go pick him up at the HFAC. He drove (obviously) and we went with a drummer friend of his, J, and J's date was R the cellist. We went to Jazz at the Sheraton, which somehow I misconstrued as being in Provo. (I forgot which hotel it was, mostly......sigh) I figured it out when we started to pass Lehi. (I'm not really that dense, I just kept thinking, oh it's around Orem. Oh, it's around Trafalga. Oh, I have no idea why we're still driving. Then I was a little worried because I had VT'ing set up at 9 and it was kind of important, but I decided that there was nothing I could do about it at that point, so I relaxed and just thoroughly enjoyed myself. I called my roommates during intermission and let them know how dumb I was and VT'ing got rescheduled.

This woman!!! That was just about the sweetest vocal jazz I have EVER heard in my LIFE. There were some parts where I was just dancing (in fact, because it was dark and we were in the last row, I made Matt get up and west coast with me for just a minute during one song), and a couple songs that just melted me to my seat. One in particular, "Polka Dots and Moonbeams." M looked at me, it was funny, when the song was over he said, "You look all starry-eyed!" lol...that's about right. I decided that her voice was like cognac. Not that I know. But I read something in an English class once about how cognac is kind of thick and runny at the same time, and very very smooth. and a deep red. I told M that I get a little stupid at jazz concerts, he was like, "You haven't been to one in awhile, have you?" Which is true (I haven't been to one since the last one I went to with N actually, I kinda avoided them for awhile), but it's also true that I'm always like that....hahaha. He said it made it more fun, so that was good. 

Anyway, I love jazz. It's always ten times better live, too. Oh, I never exactly specified - Jazz at the Sheraton is in SLC. What else did she sing? Oh man. Her name was Stacey Kent, btw. She sang "People Will Say We're in Love" and "Surrey with the Fringe On Top" from OKLAHOMA and she sang a song from State Fair, too. That was really fun:) She did some Irving Berlin and Ray Charles. oh man. Ha...also, M bought his Wynton Marsalis tickets and held those over my head all night. Every time I said something mean to him he'd just kinda say, "Remember what I've got in my pocket???" Dang him.

bio

I just sent this list of questions to my coworkers to use for their company bios. I was impressed with myself. Dear readers, feel free to answer these in the comments, on your blogs, at your dinner table tonight or for your own company bios. Awesome.

-What is your favorite wood?
-What's your favorite children's book?
-If you had a 3'x3' patch of wall space with which to do whatever you wanted, what would it look like when you were done?
-Describe your family using the Periodic Table of Elements: http://www.webelements.com/ (You can click on each element for a description.)
-What has been your favorite project in your work history?
-If you had to mix any three liquids and drink it, what would they be?
-If you had to mix any three liquids and make someone else drink it, what would they be?
-What's your favorite thing about our company?
-Why did you want to work here?
-What purpose do you fill at our company?
-If our company had a mascot, what would it be?
-Describe your favorite room in your house.
-Tell me about your life.
-At work, what organizational tool could you not live without?
-What's your favorite book and why?
-What's your favorite movie and why?
-That you've ever tried, whose macaroni recipe do you like the best?
-What's your favorite sport?
-Which hat best fits you and why? (beret, football helmet, baseball cap, fedora, darth vader mask, one of those Chinese cone hats, sombrero, etc)
-What's your favorite class you've ever taken and why?
-What's been your greatest professional/scholastic challenge?
-Describe the funniest commercial you've ever seen.
-Describe a commercial that once made you cry. If you've never cried at a commercial, give an answer about why you feel like you had to lie about this - we're all friends here.

Obedience: A Mixed Metaphor

The children of Israel, making their way through the mists of darkness, either hanging onto the iron rod or getting lost in the roots of the Tree (or maybe that's just Alternate Paths) on their way to cast their eyes upon the brazen serpent, while the people in the great and spacious building mock and laugh.

Also, because G "obeyed" my connect-the-dots (which may or may not have been added after the drawing was complete), we came out with a beautiful great and spacious building.

Moral of the story: Obedience is the first law of heaven.
Not Moral of the Story: Connecting the dots can only result in a great and spacious building.
Not Moral of the Story: We were thinking about changing that purple snake into a tetherball pole, but I don't think following the iron rod will lead you to tetherball. Necessarily.

cycling through

I've got to say, going to funerals really sharpens your perspective on life.

Hot Dogs in the Context of Your Mother

So, awhile back L'Afro and I were discussing 500-word essays, for some reason. We assigned topics to each other and flippin, and only flippin ever wrote his, to my knowledge. (L'Afro, apologies if you wrote yours and I forgot I saw it.)

The point is, I haven't read flippin's yet because it came with the caveat: "Don't read this until you've written yours."

After faithfully not reading his essay, titled "The State of the Universe in the Context of Robot Slaves, or: Where's my electronic manservant? or: You are not my mother!  You are a Snort!", for more than a year, I have determined that I don't really want to wait any longer. Understandably, I hope, now that you've read his title. So here's mine.

Hot Dogs in the Context of Your Mother

As with many foods, I experienced my first hot dog in my mother's house. Probably cut up in tiny pieces on a plate by itself, the way I watched my cousin deliver a hot dog to his daughter only last week. 

 

I imagine that was also where I determined I liked ketchup and not mustard; I am making this assumption based on the fact that it was also where I determined I liked wheat chili and not any chili with beans or spice - it follows.

 

I digress.

 

Mom had this desire, as I was growing up, for her children to learn to cook. After all, she was a relatively well-known cook throughout our social community, shouldn't her children at least know how to fend for themselves? So started "each kid cooks once a week." That was pretty short-lived, but it didn't end before the rule sprouted up that I couldn't make French toast and hot dogs every time. Apparently I was supposed to learn to cook other things - don’t worry, now I can make macaroni and cheese, too. As in, more than one kind. And stuffed peppers and rice pudding.

 

But fast forward to college, the time in my life to which these cooking lessons were pointed. Er ... the first time I would have to utilize those skills, anyway.

 

My staple foods in college were eggs, French toast, quesadillas and hot dogs, but I'm just saying. Sorry, Mom. 

 

Then I learned to broil the hot dogs on the oven rack - grilling for inside! - which sort of shot any extra effort from that point forward. That was a revolutionary point in my cooking life that Mom should be proud of. My life was enriched, though, when I discovered New York hot dogs and Nathan's hot dogs. It was a whole new world. Cooking began to mean something, that "something" consisting mostly of 100% beef, onions, sauerkraut and the tentative advent of my mustard affinity.

 

Nathan’s are the gourmet of all hot dogs, but they cost between $4-5 per package of eight. Too bad I don’t like other kinds of hot dogs anymore, and don’t make fun of me because this is worth it to me. My mom does, though. Last year for my birthday, she bought me a package of them and some for dinner. She didn’t think they were worth it.

 

Think about it, though. A package of eight hot dogs for $4-5 dollars. I stopped in a Phoenix airport recently and picked up a Nathan’s hot dog and fries for $3 each last weekend ($3 for the hot dog and $3 for the fries). Turned out it wasn’t any better than my packaged stuff, at only fifty cents per quality dog!

 

I guess the moral of this story is that my mom doesn’t really have a lot to do with hot dogs in my life, but she loves me and I love hot dogs, so sometimes they cross paths. I think that will suffice.