bio

I just sent this list of questions to my coworkers to use for their company bios. I was impressed with myself. Dear readers, feel free to answer these in the comments, on your blogs, at your dinner table tonight or for your own company bios. Awesome.

-What is your favorite wood?
-What's your favorite children's book?
-If you had a 3'x3' patch of wall space with which to do whatever you wanted, what would it look like when you were done?
-Describe your family using the Periodic Table of Elements: http://www.webelements.com/ (You can click on each element for a description.)
-What has been your favorite project in your work history?
-If you had to mix any three liquids and drink it, what would they be?
-If you had to mix any three liquids and make someone else drink it, what would they be?
-What's your favorite thing about our company?
-Why did you want to work here?
-What purpose do you fill at our company?
-If our company had a mascot, what would it be?
-Describe your favorite room in your house.
-Tell me about your life.
-At work, what organizational tool could you not live without?
-What's your favorite book and why?
-What's your favorite movie and why?
-That you've ever tried, whose macaroni recipe do you like the best?
-What's your favorite sport?
-Which hat best fits you and why? (beret, football helmet, baseball cap, fedora, darth vader mask, one of those Chinese cone hats, sombrero, etc)
-What's your favorite class you've ever taken and why?
-What's been your greatest professional/scholastic challenge?
-Describe the funniest commercial you've ever seen.
-Describe a commercial that once made you cry. If you've never cried at a commercial, give an answer about why you feel like you had to lie about this - we're all friends here.

Obedience: A Mixed Metaphor

The children of Israel, making their way through the mists of darkness, either hanging onto the iron rod or getting lost in the roots of the Tree (or maybe that's just Alternate Paths) on their way to cast their eyes upon the brazen serpent, while the people in the great and spacious building mock and laugh.

Also, because G "obeyed" my connect-the-dots (which may or may not have been added after the drawing was complete), we came out with a beautiful great and spacious building.

Moral of the story: Obedience is the first law of heaven.
Not Moral of the Story: Connecting the dots can only result in a great and spacious building.
Not Moral of the Story: We were thinking about changing that purple snake into a tetherball pole, but I don't think following the iron rod will lead you to tetherball. Necessarily.

cycling through

I've got to say, going to funerals really sharpens your perspective on life.

Hot Dogs in the Context of Your Mother

So, awhile back L'Afro and I were discussing 500-word essays, for some reason. We assigned topics to each other and flippin, and only flippin ever wrote his, to my knowledge. (L'Afro, apologies if you wrote yours and I forgot I saw it.)

The point is, I haven't read flippin's yet because it came with the caveat: "Don't read this until you've written yours."

After faithfully not reading his essay, titled "The State of the Universe in the Context of Robot Slaves, or: Where's my electronic manservant? or: You are not my mother!  You are a Snort!", for more than a year, I have determined that I don't really want to wait any longer. Understandably, I hope, now that you've read his title. So here's mine.

Hot Dogs in the Context of Your Mother

As with many foods, I experienced my first hot dog in my mother's house. Probably cut up in tiny pieces on a plate by itself, the way I watched my cousin deliver a hot dog to his daughter only last week. 

 

I imagine that was also where I determined I liked ketchup and not mustard; I am making this assumption based on the fact that it was also where I determined I liked wheat chili and not any chili with beans or spice - it follows.

 

I digress.

 

Mom had this desire, as I was growing up, for her children to learn to cook. After all, she was a relatively well-known cook throughout our social community, shouldn't her children at least know how to fend for themselves? So started "each kid cooks once a week." That was pretty short-lived, but it didn't end before the rule sprouted up that I couldn't make French toast and hot dogs every time. Apparently I was supposed to learn to cook other things - don’t worry, now I can make macaroni and cheese, too. As in, more than one kind. And stuffed peppers and rice pudding.

 

But fast forward to college, the time in my life to which these cooking lessons were pointed. Er ... the first time I would have to utilize those skills, anyway.

 

My staple foods in college were eggs, French toast, quesadillas and hot dogs, but I'm just saying. Sorry, Mom. 

 

Then I learned to broil the hot dogs on the oven rack - grilling for inside! - which sort of shot any extra effort from that point forward. That was a revolutionary point in my cooking life that Mom should be proud of. My life was enriched, though, when I discovered New York hot dogs and Nathan's hot dogs. It was a whole new world. Cooking began to mean something, that "something" consisting mostly of 100% beef, onions, sauerkraut and the tentative advent of my mustard affinity.

 

Nathan’s are the gourmet of all hot dogs, but they cost between $4-5 per package of eight. Too bad I don’t like other kinds of hot dogs anymore, and don’t make fun of me because this is worth it to me. My mom does, though. Last year for my birthday, she bought me a package of them and some for dinner. She didn’t think they were worth it.

 

Think about it, though. A package of eight hot dogs for $4-5 dollars. I stopped in a Phoenix airport recently and picked up a Nathan’s hot dog and fries for $3 each last weekend ($3 for the hot dog and $3 for the fries). Turned out it wasn’t any better than my packaged stuff, at only fifty cents per quality dog!

 

I guess the moral of this story is that my mom doesn’t really have a lot to do with hot dogs in my life, but she loves me and I love hot dogs, so sometimes they cross paths. I think that will suffice.

hey.

After a recent admonition by CPM about my lack of bloggingness, I present to you:

Hey, here I am, blogging.

Sorry, it's 2 a.m. and I feel like blogging but I haven't been in the blogging mindset enough lately to actually have anything to say.

Between the twinkling light out my back window and the fact that I saw Short Circuit tonight, I think we may have aliens in the backyard. Welcome, this is Earth. Input.

I am an anti-fan of the cats who live in my house. There was a dead mouse in my hallway tonight. I have less animosity toward them now than I used to; it's more dead irritation now.

Our dog is tiny.

I bought hot dogs.

I made corn bread tonight.

I have a goal to sleep more this weekend.

My ward is having an Ado Annie dinner tomorrow night. I refuse to decorate a basket and try to make some random guy fall in love with my questionable home ec skills. If anything I would bring a pizza and sit in the back ... instead I'm staying home to watch a movie. Sorry to not support the activities committee ... if anything, I'm showing my opinion by boycott. Ten bucks says the girls outnumber the guys 2:1.

My roommate made pie. She says I can't have any since I didn't help (I was helping my friend with cornbread), and I don't believe her. But somehow I am not too concerned even if she stands her ground. I have hot dogs. And also Lucky Charms.

I talked to L'Afro today. It was glorious and I want to finish our conversation soon. Call me back when you can, dear.

I won't decorate my room the rest of the way until it is clean. Or buy anything for it. That will make an IKEA trip seriously unproductive if I don't finish soon, and also, I am coming into a fake ficus tree in December, so I'd better be ready for it.

Anyone bored yet? Sorry, I'll write something better next time, I promise. Leave me some topics in the comments if you really want to spur some action. Or make me think of them myself. You know, whatever.

a wave hit it

If you watch this it will make your entire day.
Perfect especially for engineers and PR or media people, or anyone in any field who must know what they're talking about at some point ...

holy amazing

My new favorite bed:



No one go out and buy it before me, I want to be the first kid on the block to have one. It rocks ... and, as I've pointed out, LITERALLY.


And my new favorite, most-looked-forward-to establishment:



See if you can beat me there. (It's in New York so maybe that won't be as hard as I'd hope ...)

erm

I need a Garth Brooks cd. Why have I never taken care of this?

"Hanging Out" with CPM

The true story, in response to Curious Physics Minor's bold statements in his recent "expose" of a fictional crime syndicate bearing my name.

Over the course of my writership, Board parties and other functions led me to meet a certain Curious Physics Minor (known casually as CPM). We didn't talk much at first, but as other writers came and went, it was inevitable that we began to chat. At first, I was impressed and, admittedly, always intrigued by CPM, with his debonair demeanor, his seemingly endless knowledge and his charismatic, friendly disposition. We became friends and eventually began to spend a bit more time "hanging out."

I soon discovered why the Brethren are so opposed to such activities.

One night, as CPM was leading me through some Wii Fit exercises in his basement, he let down his guard a bit and accidentally called our workout sessions "training." Being of sharp mind myself, I didn't say anything but took quiet note. As the evening progressed, I drew out small details here and there, and finally pieced together a picture that was anything but a casual friendship. So this is where "hanging out" leads, I thought.

Being a discerning guy, CPM must have noticed something different about me, despite my efforts to hide it. I think he assumed I was figuring things out, because he went upstairs "for a drink of water," (like working out would make CPM thirsty) and came back with a couple of keys, a metal box and a little bottle of some thick, clear liquid.

He entered the room; I stood, with the plan to inch toward the door while we discussed boxing tactics. But CPM would have none of it. He had locked the door behind him, and "persuaded" me to join him on the couch. Before I knew it, I had ingested the liquid in the bottle and was powerless to object to anything CPM asked of me. Between the drug and his charm, I was stuck.

The next hour was filled with instruction on bike mechanics, layouts of apartment complexes, technical specs and promises that "this [theft] won't hurt a bit." (Alma 11:23, I thought, but there was nothing I could do.) I was now an unwilling operative of the Commanding Proprietary Marauder (known casually as CPM).

**

To be continued ...

Hhhhhola, como EH-STUH??

From my sister:

So, for my Spanish homework today, I had to fill in the verbs in different sentences. These were no ordinary sentences, however. Ah, no. Welcome to the world of pick-up lines written by Spanish textbook authors. I've decided to translate these for you so you could see their craziness. Enjoy.

1. What are you doing here so early? Didn't you know the stars never come out during the day?
2. A pencil without a point cannot write, and I without you cannot live.
3. If I didn't know that angels live in heaven, I would swear you were one.
4. At breakfast, I don't eat because I think of you. In the middle of the day, I don't eat lunch because I think of your lips. In the afternoon, I don't snack because I hear your laugh. At night, I don't sleep because I am dead from hunger.
5. I would that I were a mosquito so I could place myself on your ear and tell you how much I love you.
6. You are the combustible that feeds the fire of my passion.
7. I will be without air if I cannot see you soon.
8. Rainbows follow special people like you.
9. I know that I need a heart to live, but more-so, I need someone to make it beat.
10. I don't need night to fall to see the stars because I have your visage.
11. As long as math doesn't fail and Pythagorus doesn't lie, you will be the most handsome boy on the continent.
12. Do you know why there's a hole in the ozone layer? Because your eyes looked at the sky.
13. I don't want the moon; I don't want the sun; I only want your care, for I die for love.

Ugh. Barfola. bahahahahahahahaa, who even thought of these?! Who's EVER used Pythagorus in a pick-up line? Oh man.

--

Don't worry. We'll Pythagorus your theorem. And it will be hot, and in Spanish.

Risk

So I played Risk thoroughly on my own team, with no help, for the first time on Sunday night. The group I play with makes the game a lot like that reality show Survivor - strategy, playing with human personalities as some of your game pieces.

I made an alliance like two turns before I was given some pretty good advice that, however, would force me to choose between my ally and the two people who gave me the good advice. (Who didn't know about my alliance, and who would be kept safe by my taking their advice rather than what my secret plans with my ally would have done to them).

(I was concentrated in eastern Europe, with A's armies filling western Europe and sparsely populating Africa - I kept asking him to take his armies out of Europe, but instead he was building them up. He was strong to the west and the south of me. AB held Australia and was relatively strong in the China-Mongolia area, but was threatened to the southwest by A's northeastern African armies and by Z's armies coming down out of Russia. K held South America, loosely, and held a strong presence in central America, threatening Z's North American presence. I allied with AB to take out A on all sides of me and on her one side. A few minutes later, K left to get something and A and Z suggested I slip through North Africa to take over South America and wipe out central America. This was a pretty safe move for me and A would have left me alone, I could have built up in South America for awhile and then come back as a formidable force, but I would have left AB to face all of A's armies alone, plus I wanted the rest of Europe.)

I listened to their advice and said, "That's a good idea," then, over a turn or two, as I strengthened myself, I took ALL of my armies (besides those left holding western Europe) into North Africa (as suggested by A and Z) so A and Z wouldn't get scared and start to battle me before I was ready. When I was ready, I moved into North Africa and then turned around and swept A's two most populous European holdings, leaving enough men to be reasonably fortified while I built up to take out the last two or three of his European countries over the next turn or two (knowing full well he would probably hit me early). AB, my ally, took care of Z to her northeast and was building up to take out A's armies that I was worried about to my south.

The game ended the next turn because it was getting late and tempers were running short.

The moral of this story: I LOVE strategy games, though I'm still getting used to playing them and am not very good yet. BUT. I HATED how I felt having to betray one person or the other (it may also make a difference to mention that A has been my faithful Risk tutor thus far). I wouldn't have wanted to go against either of them but I stayed with my alliance because I made it first.

But I felt so bad! It was like it wasn't a game anymore. I mean, it's just a game but when it gets personal, it's not as fun. I might just take a break for awhile. I've played three times in the last week and a half or so.

I guess that's what I have to say about that.

one to one

This woman is trying to fax me an article. Our fax line sometimes has issues, and she said the fax machine kept going to a voice mail. I finally asked her if she had it electronically, and if she could just e-mail it to me, because that would be the best. She said she didn't know how. I told her I was the only one here right now and I didn't know how to fix the fax machine, but that I would call her and let her know to try again when it was ready. She said, "Well, you don't know how to fix the fax machine, and I don't know how to do the other thing, so we're even."

No. That is not even.

named the baby.

This is the car I ended up buying a few months ago, except it's white.

I said I was going to host a naming poll, but unforeseen circumstances yielded a natural name and kicked you all out of the process. Sorry about that.

My radiator hose split a couple weeks ago, and the new one I bought had one of those dot stickers on it, on which someone had written "Helen." (Hopefully it wasn't a claim sticker or something.) As home to radiator hose Helen, I figured the only name choice left was Troy.

The main objection I keep coming up against is all the boys who swear that cars are only female (which is negated anyway if only by L'Afro's Howard and Atticus), to which I counter that countries and cities are female too, so my car can be a female city Troy if they feel that strongly about it.

the ticket lottery ... after years of trying, I finally won!

My driving record:
__________________________




__________________________

There might be some parking tickets on there, except that I have never actually paid any of those parking tickets, and I don't know if they go on your record if you don't pay them. (I now consider the occasional paper under your wiper blade just another part of working downtown with 2-hour-limit meters. You sometimes just forget to go refill them. I'm pretty conditioned, though. Sometimes when I'm at a friend's house or something I'll panic after I've been there awhile, wondering if it's time to go put money in the meter.)

I happen to be one of the world's worse speeders, however. Well, I guess there are a lot of really bad speeders out there, so maybe I can't really claim that, but I usually feel like a snail if I'm not passing people pretty regularly. For someone with as much "lateness tendency" as I have, I have always considered it a mighty grace of God that my record has stayed like that for the near-decade since I started driving, as speeding has saved me from countless "late to work"'s.

Today, however, I met my match.

I was doing 71 in a 55 - all you who are calling me an elderly driver after hearing that, back off. That was only because I was slowing down for my exit. For those of you calling me a speed demon, that part of the freeway shouldn't be 55, anyway. The rest of the freeway is 65. (Which I still think is too slow.)

Anyway, that cop was rad. I knew I'd been had as soon as I turned the corner - that's a speed trap I always forget about, and he was practically pointing his radar gun in my face. He turned out to be the nicest cop ever, and took my ticket to 65 to boot. It's not even that inconvenient, because I work practically next door to the courthouse.

I have this respect for that cop, partly because he works in a rainforest on a motorcycle and was sweating like a dog when he pulled me over, and partly because he administered my christening ticket. I should have gotten his name and asked to take a picture with him. I guess a copy of the ticket will have to do.

I don't think all the credit goes to my cop, though. One possibility is that God decided it was time for me to come into my own. On the flip side, my roommate and I both left pretty late today, so she prayed we'd be safe on our way to work - she might well have prayed that cop on me. I'll let her work that out of her conscience while I'm over here, trying to figure out if the money I've made not being late to work exceeds the cost of my ticket, which I suspect it will, hands down.

tags

I've been tagged in two (2) things in the last few months and have done neither. Until now ...


From CPM --

1. Pick up the nearest book (at least 123 pages).
2. Turn to page 123.
3. Find the 5th sentence
4. Post the 5th sentence on your blog.
5. Tag 5 people.

"They flew in circles above her and then disappeared over the forest."
(from The Wild Swans, Hans Christian Andersen)

Oops. Forgot that fifth step ... consider yourself tagged if you want to be tagged :)

----

Other friend who tagged me, I'm not going to link to this one (sorry) --

The Five Tag

5 years ago: (2003) I was working again at the glass plant at home, and had just broken up with a really great guy because of timing problems and maybe it just wasn't quite the right fit


5 Months Ago: (January, effectively) Struggling with boy problems, going geocaching like mad, learning sales, going paintballing and beginning a fabulous new job

5 Things on my to-do list (what a week for this one, too ...):

1. Write the rest of my part of the cover story so my publisher can finish her part and the graphic designer can plug it in.
2. Write nine more stories this week.
3. Coordinate the other writers' stories and fill in the holes.
4. Do laundry.
5. Pack for the wedding I'm going to this weekend.

5 Snacks I enjoy:
1. Doritos
2. Pringles
3. Chocolate candy (but not hard candy ... like Snicker's or something)
4. Oranges
5. Strawberries

5 Things I would do if I were suddenly a billionaire:
1. Travel like mad.
2. Pay my rent for the next quite awhile so I don't have to think about it.
3. Philanthropic stuff like helping some people through college and paying some of my parents' bills.
4. Buy everyday stuff that I always want, but without worrying (nice hair stuff like Biolage and Sexy Hair concepts, good makeup, high quality food, the clothes I want, that type of thing.)
5. Invest, both in the stock market and in small businesses (particularly the one I work for, haha).

5 of my BAD habits:
1. Wasting time.
2. Not cleaning my room
3. Not cleaning the kitchen enough.
4. Debatable: Twirling my hair (it gives me split ends and makes me look young but man)
5. Not having enough self-confidence

5 Places I have lived:
1. Utah
2. Texas
3. Colorado
4. Iowa
5. New York

5 Jobs I have had:
1. Water trench cleaner
2. Line worker (picker in a warehouse)
3. Account executive
4. Web editor
5. News writer

5 things people don't know about me:
1. I am TRYING to learn the harmonica.
2. I wake up to ACDC's "Hell's Bells" every morning
3. I prefer Ariel to Tinkerbell
4. I cut hair and I want to go to hair school.
5. I used to dive (springboard diving).

interesting

I decided to splurge a little this weekend and take advantage of the Memorial Day sales, to make my room AWESOME (the only area I really have much control over, because my friend owns the house I live in). I got a 5x7 area rug (black, brown and beiges), a wine-colored comforter set, and a 300-thread-count set of beige sheets. Nearly everything was like 50% off.

Just wait. Oh man.

________ Is Not the Answer

I'm in a haiku-writing thing with some friends, and this week I came up with the theme because I was bored at Other Job. So bored, in fact, that I wrote mad numbers of haikus on this theme:

Saying No is Not the Answer
Clearly we need you
Every second of your life
should belong to us.

Emo (is not the answer, etc.)
I start to talk as
Though I want to cut myself.
I just sound stupid.

Busy Signals
Please get call waiting
The 21st century
is now upon us.

Violence
(this one is lifted from somewhere, though not in haiku form. The idea's not original.)
It's not the answer
unless the question is: "What
is not the answer?"

Hanging Up
Goes without saying:
"the answer" comes well before
any hanging up.

Your Mother
(funny bc I still make your mom jokes.)
"Your mom" jokes are old
I've never met your mother
I'll bet your mom's nice.

High Fashion
Your bubble wrap skirt
must be recycled
from my last Fed-Ex.

Pencil Sharpening
I can tell you're bored,
Tired, antsy, or maybe
it's actually dull.

Not Buying a New Lock
I can't work this lock
Excellent security!
Except, I live here.

Boiling
Watched pots never boil.
Handy, too, because this one
can't boil (or will burn).

Patriotic Cats
This cat wants YOU! to
feed, pet, and trip over him.
Especially trip.

the marketing of the future

You would do well to check out this story and the links I've provided at the bottom. I hope you've heard about this already, but if not, please be blown away.

http://www.ibelieveinharveydent.com
http://www.ibelieveinharveydenttoo.com (highlight the page)
http://www.whysoserious.com

Thanks to my friend Kyle (who, incidentally, was just sworn in after passing the bar) for showing me the original article.

i saw the sign

No ones gonna drag you up
To get into the light where you belong
But where do you belong?

That's our choice, huh?

"Do you ever blog anymore?" --flippin

Yeah, well.

Things have been busy. I'm writing a lot of articles these days (and consequentially spending a lot of time out on the road, interviewing and taking pictures), not doing sales anymore, but I work around 60 hrs/week. My work is thrilling, fascinating, enthralling, and whatever else your thesaurus can turn up. I've done a few new things lately as well:

-- I bought that car I was complaining about (which will need a name; I'll post pictures soon and the polls will open) -- it's a white 1995 Toyota Tercel with fantastic gas mileage, broken door handles, no dome light, bad wheel bearings (I'm fixing them soon, don't worry) and cracked leather seats. The previous owner (who sold it to me for $650 - bless the man and his dear wife) called it "his little go-cart." The only thing that makes me scared to drive it (besides those bearings) is the way I feel like I might blow off the road on a windy day. I need to gain some weight.

--I went to a drag race. A real one. Where people can just pay the $7 cover charge and go in and race their Hondas next to the dragsters. Freaking rad.

--I went to a minor league baseball game. It wasn't my first ever, but it was my first of the games here in the town I grew up in. Haha. It was rad even though we got creamed. I think it's time for a trip to the batting cages.

--I bought a softball. It's too white (it needs some dirt and scuffs, I'll work on that).

--Soon I'm going to an af2 league indoor football game. This really will be a first. This morning I interviewed the owner of the team.

--I learned to throw a football.

--I saw Forrest Gump. I know, I know.

--I thought seriously about being a high school English teacher.

--I moved out of my parents' house into my friend's house. Paying rent in the same town as my family is weird.

--I did my own taxes. Hooray for Turbo Tax. My home state made me mail it (since I was filing in two states they wouldn't accept an online file), so I hope I sent them all the right stuff.

All right, enough of this. Life updates are boring, sorry. I'll quit the list thing and write a real post soon.

curse you, Dragon Lady!

Dragon Lady posted a link to this typing test thing, and my scores have ranged between 83 wpm to 100 wpm (it falls between 97-100 if I'm really concentrating). Don't think I'm not going to to try to beat 120 next.

I wonder how fast I'd be if I cut my nails ...

when I was your age ...

Today I called someone's car phone.

I know I post a lot about the weather.

Hey, don't worry everyone! We got a cold front!

Right now it's 44.

Not exactly what I meant by "please let it not be quite so hot," but okay.

Somehow we need to settle into some happy medium. The forecast keeps us to mid-sixties for the next ten days. We'll see how that works out.

the long walk

I park my car an extra block or two away from my office, but still at a meter so I'm forced to get outside and walk a couple blocks every two hours (the meters have a two-hour limit).

I've really come to look forward to this, but today was the first actually hot day we've had, and that makes me really nervous for the summer. Summers are always bad here, but it's in the mid-80's and only the end of March.

On the elevator back up to the office just now, I thought about my room in the city last summer and of my less-than-appropriate sleeping attire, windows open and ceiling fan turned up. Here I have air conditioning ... maybe this summer will be bearable, after all.

CPM: Two in one week! Man oh man. :) I believe this is what we call "flying colors."

naturally

This is one of the images that came up as I was searching for medium haircuts today.

and other mind-numbing activities

I hate car shopping.
I hate insurance shopping.
I hate tag pricing.
I hate mechanic's bills.
I hate bank loans.
I hate credit scores.
I hate committing to a monthly payment that isn't rent.

In other words, my life is about to get much more complicated and I don't like it. Not that I'm dragging my feet.



photo by Christian Abraham

another story

Another of Dad's stories. Tonight, about an elephant.

--

Once upon a time there was an elephant. This elephant was very patriotic - he was very American. One day, some very bad men invaded his country.

--Invaded America?
--No, a different country.
--I thought you said he was American.
--Well, he liked America a lot. He was an American elephant. But this was a different country.
--What?!

So, this elephant and all his friends set about trying to defend their homes. Fortunately, some soldiers came to help them out soon. The soldiers came up in submarines and surfaced to help the elephants get rid of the bad guys. Unfortunately, the bad guys had some airplanes that saw the submarines surface, and they were going to shoot at them.

The elephants got thinking and they realized that the submarines were gray, and that they (the elephants) were also gray. Not only could they help shield the good guys - they could also act as camouflage! So they all lined up on the beaches, and those planes just looked and looked and said, "My, my - it's so cloudy down there, we can't see a thing." So they left, and the good guys were saved!

And then the elephants just went back over the hills and trampled all the rest of the invaders.

And that's the end for tonight.

--Isn't it funny how you can tell Dad's just as surprised by the ending as we are, when he gets to it, because he starts laughing too...

long-ago post I never published

Three character sketches: people I met on a temp assignment last year.

Stan grew up in this city. When he was a kid, he made friends with a homeless woman who lived near his house, and when it got cold around the holiday months, his family made up a bed for her in their garage, showed her how to get in and told her to come anytime. She never did. Stan had some solid opinions, his goal was to make $100/mo., and we had fun chatting about the different concerts he's been to downtown.

A few years ago, Steve got out of prison for nonviolent felony. Somehow or another, he ended up helping take care of a very sweet and slightly off homeless woman named Starla, after her friends took advantage of her and cheated her out of a bunch of money (in their words). Then, he married Starla. They're sort of an odd couple, but they fit each other well and care fiercely for each other.

I met John when he helped me lay carpet one day. He used to be a carny and told me all about what it was like traveling around with the different fairs and running the rides. I think he usually worked the booths where you pay for five tries to hit a thing and win a stuffed animal, or something. He said it was hard for a lot of people to do well at that job because they would try to talk the men out of playing the game and essentially gambling all their money away, because sometimes they could tell the men were playing over and over and spending what they should have been using to feed their kids. Their consciences would pick at them until a few weeks later they'd quit.

100th post and list of firsts

Though I didn't plan it this way, it seems fitting that my 100th post should be about a bunch of firsts I had this week.

Starting small, this week I listened to Snow Patrol for more than five minutes before giving up and moving on. I actually liked them this time.

Dusk in my city is rather pretty, and while the sparks flying from the light post (feeding the fire at the foot of it) added a nice touch to the overall scene, I didn't figure it was supposed to be happening. Hence my first 911 call.

This week's weather: Weekend=snow; Monday=78-degree high; Tuesday=snow. I begged a few friends to come outside and play with me on Monday night. I thought we might buy a kite. Instead, we went off-roading (and almost got stuck) in a gorgeous truck so we could get out to an isolated place, where I shot my first semi-automatic handgun. My aim was so precise that I took out several specks of dirt in one shot, nearly every time.

As a burgeoning saleswoman, I usually take my boss along with me on sales calls right now, given my track record of one (1) month's experience selling. This week, with her help, I made my first sale! It was a good one, and even though it was actually a sale I knew we'd make going into it (not only is the buyer currently featured on the cover of our magazine and has advertised with us in the past, but she's been friends with my publisher for quite awhile), it still means money in the bank to me.

The surprise, though, came only two business days later, when I went to a friendly "getting-to-know-you" meeting with a super nice woman I met in my networking group. She ended up buying advertising as well - constituting my first sale by myself! (I texted my boss to let her know and she was surprised and excited -- this sale, while admittedly much smaller, excited me billions more than the first one, given I did it without her help.)

I went out with a kid from the ward this week. We drove in his little loud-engined red sports car to a pool hall and shot a couple games (not a first, though I guess the date was a first with him). The pool hall happened to be located on our city's main "drag" (I feel so late-nineties using that term), and he told me he doesn't race because he's such a target in that car and everyone always wants to race him. However .... we happened to sit at a stoplight next to a friend of his, chatted a minute, and when the light turned green - you guessed it. My first drag race. I laughed like a kid on the Test Track ride at Disneyworld.

say what you mean and mean what you say

me: I have a problem

flippin: no kidding.

me: You are one of my favorite people ever. hahhaha.

That wasn't my problem.

flippin: That would be a problem though.

me: flippin, I don't know how to say something without talking my way into it, sometimes. (Nah. It wouldn't.)

why can't I just say what I mean?

1:52 PM I just got off the phone with a guy who was confused as to why I had an appointment with him

and I explained that I thought we would be a good advertising venue for them

and he said, "Oh, so you want to market yourselves to me?"

The correct answer would have been, "Yes. Yes, I do."

1:53 PM The answer I gave was, "Yes, well, and also find out what your direction is and see if we can help you, you know, in other ways, like with our magazine, and not just advertising."

He was like, "Eh? OK ... well, we can still meet."

and I said "thanks" and hung up.

Blah.

flippin: Practice the following phrases: I want to sell you ad space.

1:54 PM I don't want to go to your party.

me: I'm so scared of the idea of being a salesperson, I think, and all the bad image that comes with it. [Even if I'm not scared of actually being a salesperson. Just the image.]

flippin: You can't come to my house.

me: No, I can't say "ad space." It's "advertising solutions."

flippin: I won't watch your baby.

I don't drink.

me: Continue:)

flippin: Yes, I do think those pants make your butt look fat.

1:55 PM me: OK.

Thanks.

flippin: no prob.

chewing the fat about the weather

Last night was amazing. I went outside to get something out of the car and was thoroughly romanced by the night air. Before going inside, I made a detour stop on the big trampoline in my backyard. I felt like I was in Utah on a summer night.

I was brought back to reality (and indoors) when the wind threatened to blow down some already-weakened branches down onto my head, but the gorgeous feeling stayed with me.

signs that I am in the right field

Times I was expected at work this week:

Monday: 10 a.m.
Tuesday: 8 a.m.
Wednesday: 9:30 a.m.
Thursday: 7:30 a.m.
Friday: TBD

Percentage of full days this week I have been in the office, with no out-of-office responsibilities ("meetings," "appointments," "conferences;" see also, "field trips"): 20%, or one (1) day. (Friday. And that's still two days away, there's still hope.)

#People I have met this week because of job responsibilities: >25

#Days this week that were enough alike to be christened "the same thing every day": 0

on investments and other types of risk

I'm not so hot at them.

In other news, I've had some recent blog visits from Indonesia, Latvia, Spain and the Phillippines. I believe those visitors are new. Welcome, welcome. Even if you stumbled upon me through a misdirected Google hit.